From the Desk of David W. Coleman
Founder & President of I Love My Children, Too

 

Young Father’s Courage Belies National Stereotypes

Recently, the Washington Post published an article about James Harris, a young 18 year old, single father who is the custodial parent of a two year daughter.

The piece describes in detail what parents across the country do in preparing their children for their daily routine. The difference is James Harris is 18, and he is black. The concept of a responsible, 18 year old, single black father seems to fly in the face of conventional wisdom. On the surface, James Harris should be applauded for being the father the family court system did not originally allow him to be. Like millions of fathers across the country, young Harris did not have the right of first refusal once his child was abandoned by its mother.

Upon hearing this wonderful story, the first question that should be asked, “What happened to the mother?” Those who want to exploit Harris’ natural instinct to raise his daughter fail to realize he would not have the chance to be the father he can be had not the mother abandoned the child. Upon birth of his daughter, James Harris was crowned as all fathers are a “deadbeat.” His orange overalls, license revocations and handcuffs were already fitted for him. Further more, his young daughter, growing up without dad would have been relegated to statistical fodder as are many single parent children in today’s anti-father society. He never had the opportunity to state his case that he would be the better parent because after all he is a male and men don’t have parenting instincts. Those fathers who do never get the chance to be parents until a tragedy happens as in the abandonment of this child. It was a little surprising that the mother even provided information so the correct father could be identified and even more shocking that the adoption agency contacted him. Many adoption agencies do a poor job in attempting to contact the fathers in cases such as these eventhough most state laws require it.

Harris’ story debunks general wisdom that men can’t parent or even lack the desire and/or the capacity to love, nurture and yes, rear their children. Given the right support systems many other fathers would step up to the plate for their children. Here is a teenaged black male who takes care of a toddler and continues to persevere despite the hardships. Why is Harris so different? He isn’t. He was given the opportunity to do what millions of fathers long to do and that’s love their children.

It’s easy to criticizes fathers for what they are not doing while ignoring the elephant in the room i.e. family courts and state legislatures which do nothing to support fathers except suspend licenses and throw them in jail. James Harris could be the typical father caught up in the system had it not been for a deadbeat mom who herself did not have to decency to offer the child first to its father. He was the better parent from the outset but like so many fathers in America, they are always the last choice.

While applauding James Harris for his courage to be a father contrary to the anti father sentiment nationwide, we should also criticizes a system that initially made him a deadbeat by not allowing him parental rights in the first place.