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Credit or Results: Fathers Rights Organizations Need Self Evaluation

I have spent the last 15 years of my life fighting for fathers rights and although there have been cosmetic changes in the law, by and large the same unfair anti-father system I confronted years ago has become even more entrenched thanks in large part to the lack of organization and focus of the various pro-father groups nationally.

If one queries the internet for fathers organizations, one could surmise a national movement with numerous organizations in all states and a powerful lobbying force, yet that couldn’t be farther from the truth.  The current father’s rights movement is fragmented and lacks a charismatic leader that is hard-nosed and will not quiver at the political correct crowd.  The problem is every organization has its own agenda and there is no one group or person who can say, “We are meeting” and all groups are inclined to send a representative.  Moreover the agendas of each group are just as fragmented. 

It seems to me some of the organizations are afraid to call this movement what it is and that is a father’s rights movement.  I may be noncustodial, but I’m a father and when I speak about my child, I am a father not some nebulous term a politically correct witch doctor cooked up for the political correct crowd.  I have been at fathers’ gatherings and was told not to use the term, ‘fathers rights’ because it may offend people.  Aren’t the people who lack rights in this arena mainly fathers?

Moreover, this movement has no clear agenda or leadership.  It is ridiculous that this issue continues to languish on the back burner of public thought.  Why?

From my perspective this movement will never help those that really need help because most organizations in this arena are in it for themselves.  Most of current father’s rights groups want their name attached to whatever gains are made ignoring collaborative efforts that could help move this issue forward in a more substantive manner.

More importantly, no movement will be successful without somehow including all the affected parties and to date, that is not being done.  I would venture to guess there are more single fathers than married even though single fathers are left out of the debate.  More importantly, inner city and other ethnic fathers are being taken to the cleaners yet it seems none of the ‘known groups’ seem to care.

These organizations could use a lesson in Civil Rights.  Many, in the white media want to laud the successes of the Civil Rights struggle to Martin L. King but that could not be further from the truth.  There were numerous organizations who contributed to the freedom of African Americans from local clubs and unions to national groups such as the NAACP, SNCC, Black Panther Party, Black Muslims and the list goes on. No doubt, King was the spokesperson but without the coalition, he had no voice.  Some did not believe in nonviolence, others believed in waiting and some were happy where they were.  Ultimately, had it not been for the collaboration of all the groups, this country would not be the great state it is today. 

During the Civil Rights struggles the garbage man was just as important as the preacher and each knew the role needed in order to be successful.

The current father’s rights movement lacks including those garbage men and thusly it struggles to achieve any real gains.  This current movement ignores African American and ethnic fathers.  It ignores underprivileged, out of wedlock and poor fathers.  How can there honestly be a father’s rights movement without listening and /or including ALL fathers?  How can there be any movement without a rudder?  How can one tout the virtues of fathers when your organization refuses to call this movement what it is, A Father’s Rights Movement.  Now that I think about it, maybe the so-called movement is a figment of my imagination and I long for the sixties where standing up for change really meant something.  Some of you are getting all the credit but you bear no fruit.  Fathers are hurting more now than ever before.

With all the money and organizations available to give help, Can any one of them pay a fathers bail when he is locked up because he lost his job and can not pay his child support?  Can any group, pay rent or utilities for a father who chose to pay child support as opposed to rent?  Can this movement counter nationally, the negative and stereotypical commercials that run daily, coloring the negative perception of fathers?  Therein lays the problem and our challengers know this movement is long on talk but short on substance and will continue to lack fortitude until WE decide on a common agenda that we all can trust and accept to serve the needs of all fathers. 

With the money and expertise, this movement should not be moving at a snail’s pace but sprinting to the finish line.

June 5-6, 2004, I Love My Children, Too is planning, A Father’s Family Conference and Picnic.  I would like to include on the agenda a private planning session to begin establishing a national agenda for this movement.  If the agenda is not complete on that day, then we move the planning session to the next conference, with the same agenda.  Eventually, there will be a platform for submission that we all agree upon.  This planning session will happen if I can get a commitment from your organizations to be there.  It is my opinion we will continue to languish in obscurity until an agenda is established.

Remember, the tip of an arrow has no power without the bow!

I look forward to your responses.

Sincerely,

D.W. Coleman

dcoleman@ilovemychildrentoo.org